Sunday, March 8, 2009

I need to vent. (mom & dad--don't read this, it'll just worry you, and i'm fine, i'm just in a bad mood!)

My kids are driving me crazy. Grace and Abby (although they play well together, too) have been fighting SOOO much lately and it makes me absolutely batty! i CANNOT stand them fighting, so i yell at them...which i'm sure is the best thing to get them to start being pleasant!

And they whine. And they scream. And they pout--ohhhhhhhhh how they pout.

AND (not that this is they're fault at all, but i'm in the complainin' mood) they're sick--at least Grace is. She's had a fever for 3 days now, with a cough and a runny nose. No biggie-except it's meant missing her best friend's b-day party, us missing church AGAIN today, cancelling the babysitter when i REALLY wanted to get out, etc, etc, etc... And abby's had a cough for over 2 months. i want to just ignore it...but maybe it's more than "just a cough"--i dont' know. i HATE my dr/health insurance -Kaiser- and going to their evil facility and i hate all their stupid loop holes and so i don't go to the Dr unless i absolutely HAVE to. luckily Eliza's still healthy. (And though i'm thinkin' she'll probably get this bug that Grace has, I've been praying SOOOO much that it won't turn into RSV in her--and i'm confident God's hearing my pleas. He knows i couldn't handle RSV right now.)

Eliza wants to be held ALL THE TIME!! I guess it really started back in January, but I was in denial. Now i've accepted it--she's completely spoiled and i have no idea how to undo what i've done. I have a really hard time letting her just sit there on the floor, in her exersaucer or bumbo, or wherever-and cry and cry. Reid can do it. I can't. And so what do i do? i hold her. way too much. and i am grumpy all day long because it's really hard for me to do all i have to do with Eliza in my arms. And the worst part? she still has the gall to fuss when i'm holding her. Not often, but sometimes--how dare she?!?!?!?

I'm so sick of laundry i could scream. it literally takes me 2 weeks to start and finish all the laundry in our house...and, of course, by the time it's done, i have to start all over again!!

And Abby's the messiest thing in the world and I'm sick of cleaning up after her 25 times a day. And she's trying desperately to not nap anymore. I am doing everything in my power to keep her napping for at least 6 months more which means her staying awake (albeit in her crib) until 10pm every night. But i need her to nap every day. why doesn't she need more than 12 hrs of sleep/day?!?!?!

And i'm so sick of cooking, doing the dishes, sweeping my ever-filthy floor, and trying to find/make healthy snacks for my kids who want to eat ALL THE TIME,--all of which are done with a 6 month old in arms!

And Grace's "shyness" is becoming a REAL problem, and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of having an almost 4 year old who STILL freaks out anytime we talk about going anywhere there might be people she doesn't know. And the "show" she puts on when she's out of her comfort zone--it's probably the thing that bothers me the most in life--honestly. She acts like a cat or a baby, and freaks out and it's mortifing and it (along with everything else my kids do) makes me feel like an absolute failure as a parent and it's enough to make me never want to take her anywhere!! And she freaks out about all sorts of other things that are driving me crazy, too (e.g. band aids that come off in the middle of the night resulting in her screaming at the top of her lungs, sending me into a complete panic that something's really wrong only to find that her band aid had fallen half-off).

And my ankle's getting worse. Today's the worst it's been since it happened on Wed. i'm gonna have to see my lame Dr. (who i absolutely despise) because my HMO, Kaiser, still hasn't changed my personal physician because they're evil and they don't care at all about their patients and i hate them, hate them, hate them!!!!

And i'm sick of these last 8 lbs that i can't loose. And I hate my hair. And my tulips are up 2 months too early because we haven't had winter since December. And my kitchen's still not done--and I have zero motivation to do ANYTHING about it!!

And i'm sick of not being one of those moms who can take all the credit for the good things their kids do, and take none of the blame for the bad. Honestly, if you are one of those moms, you have NO idea how lucky you are--i really mean that, even though i secretly hate you.

Now, if i were in a good mood right now i could write about how lucky i am to have two legs that work, a baby to hold all the time, a house to cover our heads, food in our fridge, a curious toddler who reminds me that exploring is a good thing, health insurance, clean clothes to wear everyday, a timid, but extremely loving and thoughtful 3 year old who's learning SOO much and gaining self-confidence everyday, and a garden that makes me so happy, and a husband with a job, beautiful weather in januray, etc, etc, yadda, yadda, yadda...

But i'm not.

16 comments:

theultimatemama said...

I love you. I'm bringing you a present tomorrow. That's it.

bostonroms said...

Emily. I love it. Mostly because I felt JUST LIKE THIS yesterday. All day. I was the GRUMPIEST little cuss around. And then last night when Sam threw up about 16 times and Zack decided he didn't want to sleep either... Awesome. Last night I told Matt that everything in the entire world is TERRIBLE. Nothing good about it. I need a vacation and don't know how to get one. Yep. I totally understand. Sometimes you just need a break.

And my tuplips bloomed early too. Then it snowed. Makes me want to cry!

If we lived closer, I would totally come cook, clean, hold Eliza, sympathize with you about shy kids (Sam's in the same boat...), etc., and just give you a break!!!
Hope today is better...

Stacey Mom said...

Bless you Emily for being honest! I get so sick of reading fluffy peaches and cream stuff all the time. THanks for admitting that you feel this way. It makes me not feel so bad for feeling that way myself sometimes.

I hope you know that you are an amazing mom, I'm actually a little relieved reading this. A woman that has 3 under 3 and I wondered how you always did it and seemed so very positive. It's good to know that you have moments to.

Em Russ said...

It could be worse you know, you could be pregnant... :)

carie said...

I never know what to expect from your blog. One day it is "Oh I love my children and being a mother" the next is "Watch it or I will hurt you!" I like that you are real though.
I feel your pain about the tulips. My daffodils were in bloom and then it snowed 6 inches, which almost killed them all. boohoo.

MariLouise said...

Knowing Reid, he'll read your post and then send you straight to the spa, do not pass go, do not collect $200 (or 200 dirty pieces of laundry, as the case may be).

Elise said...

Wow, change a few names and places, and I feel like I could have written that post myself. I don't have much in the way of comfort except to say that I feel like I know how you feel, and at least you've got company in spirit. Here's to hoping things start looking up really soon!

Team Millward said...

Emily, you just made my night! Let me tell you why, beacause about 99% of what you said is exactly how I feel just about everyday, minus 1 child. Seriously, being a mom is the absolute hardest thing ever and when we give birth we should also be given a cook, and a maid with it. I tell ya, my poor kids really need to be wearing ear plugs after all the screaming I have been doing! That's when you need to call one of us to help! We are all there and you would and do bend over backwards for EVERYONE so you need to let us recipricate back! Love ya girl!

Brownie said...

You just said almost everything I have thought a hundred times! And we don't even have #3 yet :) I just have to tell you how amazing you are. SOOO wish we lived closer!

Cassi said...

Is it bad that I just laughed at this.... (an understanding kind of laugh)
I hope tomorrow is better.

Karen said...

Em, if I could drive I'd come down and help you out for a while, I seriously would. I hope tomorrow is a better day. Love ya!!! :)

turleybenson said...

You are a funny lady. I LOOOOOOVE this post.

Snyder Family said...

I feel your pain. I feel the exact same way most of the time. Why is it that being a mom is so hard? Alof of my friends make it all look so easy. I am sure you are one of the best moms out there. Can I do anything for you? Let me know! Sure love ya!

carin t said...

I know I am late in commenting on this post - but how timely of a post for me to read. Just like most of the other mommies, I have been feeling the same way this past week + Being a mom IS NOT EASY! But, at least there are good moments to look back on, and forward to. I love the honesty that we can all relate to! You are awesome!

Just Us said...

Finally! Now I know I'm not the only one going crazy every once in a while! You've earned the spot on my "why I'm freaked out to have 3 kids" list! The post was very refreshing! Sounds like you are in big need of a break!

merathon said...

no words, emily. just know i understand and wish we could help each other out on days like these!