Reid and Emily

I need to vent. (mom & dad--don't read this, it'll just worry you, and i'm fine, i'm just in a bad mood!)

My kids are driving me crazy. Grace and Abby (although they play well together, too) have been fighting SOOO much lately and it makes me absolutely batty! i CANNOT stand them fighting, so i yell at them...which i'm sure is the best thing to get them to start being pleasant!

And they whine. And they scream. And they pout--ohhhhhhhhh how they pout.

AND (not that this is they're fault at all, but i'm in the complainin' mood) they're sick--at least Grace is. She's had a fever for 3 days now, with a cough and a runny nose. No biggie-except it's meant missing her best friend's b-day party, us missing church AGAIN today, cancelling the babysitter when i REALLY wanted to get out, etc, etc, etc... And abby's had a cough for over 2 months. i want to just ignore it...but maybe it's more than "just a cough"--i dont' know. i HATE my dr/health insurance -Kaiser- and going to their evil facility and i hate all their stupid loop holes and so i don't go to the Dr unless i absolutely HAVE to. luckily Eliza's still healthy. (And though i'm thinkin' she'll probably get this bug that Grace has, I've been praying SOOOO much that it won't turn into RSV in her--and i'm confident God's hearing my pleas. He knows i couldn't handle RSV right now.)

Eliza wants to be held ALL THE TIME!! I guess it really started back in January, but I was in denial. Now i've accepted it--she's completely spoiled and i have no idea how to undo what i've done. I have a really hard time letting her just sit there on the floor, in her exersaucer or bumbo, or wherever-and cry and cry. Reid can do it. I can't. And so what do i do? i hold her. way too much. and i am grumpy all day long because it's really hard for me to do all i have to do with Eliza in my arms. And the worst part? she still has the gall to fuss when i'm holding her. Not often, but sometimes--how dare she?!?!?!?

I'm so sick of laundry i could scream. it literally takes me 2 weeks to start and finish all the laundry in our house...and, of course, by the time it's done, i have to start all over again!!

And Abby's the messiest thing in the world and I'm sick of cleaning up after her 25 times a day. And she's trying desperately to not nap anymore. I am doing everything in my power to keep her napping for at least 6 months more which means her staying awake (albeit in her crib) until 10pm every night. But i need her to nap every day. why doesn't she need more than 12 hrs of sleep/day?!?!?!

And i'm so sick of cooking, doing the dishes, sweeping my ever-filthy floor, and trying to find/make healthy snacks for my kids who want to eat ALL THE TIME,--all of which are done with a 6 month old in arms!

And Grace's "shyness" is becoming a REAL problem, and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of having an almost 4 year old who STILL freaks out anytime we talk about going anywhere there might be people she doesn't know. And the "show" she puts on when she's out of her comfort zone--it's probably the thing that bothers me the most in life--honestly. She acts like a cat or a baby, and freaks out and it's mortifing and it (along with everything else my kids do) makes me feel like an absolute failure as a parent and it's enough to make me never want to take her anywhere!! And she freaks out about all sorts of other things that are driving me crazy, too (e.g. band aids that come off in the middle of the night resulting in her screaming at the top of her lungs, sending me into a complete panic that something's really wrong only to find that her band aid had fallen half-off).

And my ankle's getting worse. Today's the worst it's been since it happened on Wed. i'm gonna have to see my lame Dr. (who i absolutely despise) because my HMO, Kaiser, still hasn't changed my personal physician because they're evil and they don't care at all about their patients and i hate them, hate them, hate them!!!!

And i'm sick of these last 8 lbs that i can't loose. And I hate my hair. And my tulips are up 2 months too early because we haven't had winter since December. And my kitchen's still not done--and I have zero motivation to do ANYTHING about it!!

And i'm sick of not being one of those moms who can take all the credit for the good things their kids do, and take none of the blame for the bad. Honestly, if you are one of those moms, you have NO idea how lucky you are--i really mean that, even though i secretly hate you.

Now, if i were in a good mood right now i could write about how lucky i am to have two legs that work, a baby to hold all the time, a house to cover our heads, food in our fridge, a curious toddler who reminds me that exploring is a good thing, health insurance, clean clothes to wear everyday, a timid, but extremely loving and thoughtful 3 year old who's learning SOO much and gaining self-confidence everyday, and a garden that makes me so happy, and a husband with a job, beautiful weather in januray, etc, etc, yadda, yadda, yadda...

But i'm not.