When the cat's away

As payback for all the evenings I've been gone lately, I kicked Reid out of the house last night and sent him to watch Skyfall.  He needed a break, and I was happy to clean up dinner and put the kids to bed for, I don't know, the second time in 10 days(!?!)  Plus, I got to catch up on some hulu.com.  Win win.

But I wasn't quite as eager to have him gone again tonight.  He called earlier this afternoon telling me that a friend had invited him to the Nuggets game.  Of course, I said.  Go, have fun, enjoy some man time. We'll be fine! 

I admit, I wasn't thrilled at the idea.  But, contrary to my usual ways, I decided to make the best of it!  I got on the phone and called everyone I knew with kids my kids' ages who might also be husbandless this evening.  I was going to be the awesomest mom ever and have everyone over for homemade raviolis, Easter crafting and a movie night, with kettle-corn, sleeping bags and a mini-concession stand run with Monopoly money!  How awesome am I?!?!

Not awesome enough to actually find any friends to join in on the fun, apparently.

We still had homemade raviolis (which I made a couple weeks ago--soooooo yum!!), and we still did some Easter egg modge-podging.  But we scrapped the movie, went downstairs and played for an hour.  I played the piano while the kids danced on the stage.  I introduced them to Simon and Garfunkel, Chopin, and The Best of Chicago.  (They fell in love with Saturday in the Park and You're the Inspiration.  I can die now.)

They were all playing so nicely that I didn't even check the clock and just kept playing the piano, singing at the top of my lungs.  Eliza kept asking me to be more quiet.  She said her ears were hurting.  She might have even started crying, but I couldn't be sure, what with all the noise I was making.  James loved it.  He loves when I sing.  He also loves when I squeeze him so tightly he can't breathe.  And I think Eliza secretly loved it too...once the ringing stopped.  Abby and Grace were playing "Let's pretend we have a little brother" (??) and they managed to make each of my songs fit into their story.  I was just surprised at how happy I was to be playing the piano again.

Eventually I got the kids to bed.  Of course it was later than planned, but it was painless.  Bedtime is getting easier and easier with each step of independence these kids make--i love it!  I came down to check my email.  There was one from Reid with a link to this blog post from HandsFreeMama.com.  It's called How to Miss a Childhood.

Sadly, I am guilty of many of the "ingredients" she lists in her recipe for how to miss your kids' childhood.  Even without a smart-phone, I'm guilty.  In fact, I thought I was immune from this sort of parenting mistake because I have a dumb-phone.  But I'm not.  I still manage to shoo my kids away when I'm talking on the phone, or make a call in the car when I could be talking to them.  Or even text at a stop light.

It was a good read for me.  Had I not just spent the past three hours working on my Mother of the Year award, I might have been heavily bombarded with guilt.  (If you're the guilt-ridden type, be sure to read like 40 books to your kid and take them to the zoo before reading that article.)  As is, I'm feeling encouraged to make greater efforts to be "unplugged", and more sure than ever that I should have been born in the 1800's (I would have invented the epidural, so that wouldn't have been a problem).

At the end of the day, we didn't have the remarkable evening that I had planned.  And this isn't the blog post that I had planned. (Does anyone else do that?  mentally pre-blog an event that hasn't even happened?  How embarrassed should I be to admit that i do?) But it was a great evening for me, and I don't want to forget it.

Reid should really get out more often.

(But don't tell him I said that.)

Is it wrong to pray for church to get cancelled?

'Cause I might have done just that.  But don't judge me--you would have done the same if you'd seen that the winter blizzard predicted to bring 10" of snow did just that!  And i hate driving in the snow. Reid thinks I'm a wimp, and he's totally right.  But wimp or not--my prayer was answered!! And I'm so glad it was!

Reid had the idea that since we were all prettied up, we should have a little "church meeting" here at home.  I anticipated the usual whining and complaining anytime one of us suggests something awesome.  But the girls surprised me.  They each gladly chose a lesson to teach to the family.

Abby went first.  She loves this sort of stuff.  She's confident, fearless and loves attention.  She's the first to raise her hand in any classroom setting.  She thrives on checklists, order, and schedules. And although she also thrives on being the family antagonist, she loved this idea so much she just went along with it.  I'm so glad that in this moment she chose to be agreeable.  She taught us about faith and how it's like a seed--dependent on external forces to reach its potential (those might have not been her exact words).  She's a good little teacher.

 Grace, who followed, kept her eyes glued to the book the entire time.  She was intimidated by an audience made up entirely of her own immediate family members.  This is the girl who came home from school today and told me that she'd been offered the lead role in her class play--The Tortoise and the Hare.  But my sweet girl turned it down. She said she'd rather be a tree than a tortoise--it's more "her."  Grace is actually quite confident of herself, but she truly dislikes all attention (except the kind she frequently elicits from her youngest sister--she loves Eliza's infuriated or insulted attention...but that's another story).  Grace also earned the elite privilege of dining with the school principal, but got shy at the last minute and backed out.  All of this nervousness and distaste for the lime-light is quite foreign to me, so I consult Reid on these issues.  She is just like he was as a child.  I find comfort in this, seeing what a decent person he turned out to be.

Eliza decided last minute that she didn't want a turn.  Reid said he'd help her.  It turned into Reid whispering the words in Eliza's ears, and her spitting those same words out in my least favorite language--Baby Talk.  I get the feeling that no one's approval means more to this girl than her very own sisters'.  She doesn't do baby talk when it's just me and her.  She doesn't do it with James.  She mostly uses it as some proverbial shield when the fear of rejection from her two idols squeezes it out of her.  I worry about her ability to gain self-confidence, with sisters who are happy to point out how much older and wiser they are then her....which is part of why I pour out buckets of praise on this girl as often as I can  Though a million gallons of praise from me isn't worth a teacup from her big sisters.  Sigh.

James just did his usual cute things, including walking in circles with an over-sized hat on his head, falling down, giggling, then doing it all over and over again. . . until he found his crack-laced blankie.  I swear, that kid could be playing with the Parents Choice #1 toy of the year, but if his skin so much as grazes the silk edge of his blankie, that toy might as well be a tax report to this silk-addict.  And he's no respecter of blankets.  In public places, he outright steals other babies' blankets and lays down with them, while that baby screams to their mommy about the big 20-month old baby bully who stole their silkie!!  True story!  Man, i let that kid do basically whatever he wants.  It's gonna be a problem some day, isn't it...

After Reid and I shared a few thoughts, we ended with a very dancey version of Give Said the Little Stream.

Watching my kids spin around while my husband played his daughter's size 0 guitar, I had one of those "this is the life that I always dreamed of" moments.  I love those moments.  They've been abundant the past year or two.  We are in a really great place.  Our kids are all young, though not too young.  They're all home a lot, but thankfully not all day.  They play well, they depend on each other for a good night's sleep, they gang up on Reid and I in sweet, "I scream, you scream, we all cream for ice cream" kind of ways.  They (sometimes) let us sleep in on Saturday mornings (should I admit publicly that Grace gets her brother out of his crib and feeds him cereal?!?)  They're dependent on us, but not too dependent.  And they believe that Reid and I are cool parents, full of all the answers, and worthy of their naive adoration.

This has got to be as good as it gets!!!

And if it gets any better, don't tell me!  Knowing me, I'd wish the clock to move faster to a supposed "better" time (which i did plenty of when they were all knee-biters) and I'd miss out on the right now! And I don't want to miss a single moment of right now.  Because I know that sooner than I believe, I'm gonna miss every single moment of right now.

Christmas (part 3) in Provo

For as long as I can remember, the Ashworths have taken an unconventional approach to gift giving.  Non-traditional has become the tradition.  And most Christmases that I can remember also had some sort of self-imposed theme.  "Natural Christmas" was the year we gave gifts that came from the earth.  "Homemade Christmas" was, well, just like it sounds.    The year my brother passed an excruciatingly painful kidney stone (is there any other kind?) we had a "Keep It Clear Christmas"--that was a tricky year for gift giving. One year all our gifts had to be Christmacycled--reused, repurposed, recycled, upcycled, etc  (my sister and I made up that word....now I just need to find me a decent lawyer to trademark it...) The year I was on my mission my niece Hannah was two years old and apparently was going through a naked stage.  I'm not entirely sure what gifts people gave the year of the "Naked Christmas," and I'll forever be sad about missing out on that one. 

In recent years the themes have slowly disappeared, and the tradition has shifted in a less clever but more meaningful direction.  The idea of "giving on behalf of" has become the new norm. This year, as we all gathered around and had our belated Christmas morning, we were all in tears as we read the cards we'd received explaining what donation or act of service had been done in our name.  We cried as we read about the donated scholarship money for the children at Sandy Hook, books being provided to children in need, families having presents under their otherwise empty trees, and entire poverty-stricken villages receiving chickens, goats, llamas and other gifts to help them on their way to self reliance.  It was so fun and rewarding and uplifting to see how our little Provo Christmas reached so far around the world.  

I know ours is not the only family who's adopted this tradition.  And wouldn't it be wonderful if this was how the whole world celebrated Christmas?  But if that ever happens, let's just keep it on the down low, 'cause that would also inevitably be the end of the Ashworths celebrating it this way.  There are downsides to being so deeply unconventional. 

Traditional or not, I love my family.  And we had such a great time with them.  We acted out the Nativity the evening before we opened gifts, doing our best to pretend that the 27th-28th were actually the 24th-25th :)  We played a billion games--including our newest tradition of Trivial PurSkype with Cynthia and Tom. We ate a billion calories--mostly in the form of cheeseball, salami and English toffee--all recipes that our mom made each Christmas and passed down to us.

Grace, Eliza and Abby in their adorable skirts that Seamstress Aunt Kristie made for them.

James must have been cutting a tooth or fighting an earache, cause he was not his usual self. Luckily Hannah was there to provide the necessary snuggle time.

We missed Kevin, who had rehearsals for his big play at the Laguna Playhouse--which apparently he rocked!

And we missed our mom.  She is everywhere at Christmas time.  The costumes we wear for the Nativity, the decorations, the food, the songs, the pianos, the games--she's everywhere.  Which, in contrast to other years, felt really nice.  

The girls got to stay up until 10pm on New Year's Eve. Conveniently that's exactly when the ball drops in NYC, and we found a live version of it.  They felt pretty special staying up so late, and playing Uno with the adults.  And at the real midnight, while the rest of us banged pots and pans on the porch, Jared carried on his self-inflicted tradition of running barefoot in the snow.

The only tragedy of the entire vacation was that Reid lost his wedding ring.  Compared to the accidents and ailments of Christmases past, this is pretty minor.  But it still makes me sad to think about it.  When we went to Hawaii, he left his ring here.  People had warned him that surfing and ring-wearing don't mix.  In fact, the cheapo ring that he did wear to Hawaii was, indeed, swallowed up during our surf lesson.  But this information was not fresh in his mind when his buddy invited him to go to the Flow Rider--an indoor surfing pool.  And alas, his white gold ring was swallowed up by the simulated waves, never to be seen again.  

There was an inscription on the ring that took me forever to choose.  I debated for hours what to put on this ring that he would have for the rest of his life!  I went with the most eternal, meaningful 20-characters-or-less I could think of, from a Pablo Neruda poem that I'd fallen in love with when I visited his beach house in my last days as a missionary in Chile.  The inscription read: Seré, Serás, Seremos.  Translated (but not sounding nearly as cool) it means: I will be, you will be, we will be.

Years ago Reid lost this ring in the middle of a snowy parking lot in New Hampshire, where we'd spent the weekend with some friends.  We were sure it was gone forever.  Weeks later, the ring miraculously was discovered by a grieving young widow who knew that her late husband had sent it as a sign of his love for her.  When I told her what the inscription meant she wept and wept. Finding the ring meant even more to her than it did to us.

After all of that, I can't believe it got lost again.  Reid is more bummed than I am.  I try to keep my thoughts to myself, what with silence being golden and all.  Maybe all my unmuttered thoughts will spin into another beautiful ring--preferably one that already has the perfect inscription.

Truthfully, my mind doesn't allow my heart to be as sad as it could be.  I'm reminded that at least I still have the guy who wore it.  And that we don't depend on the wool of llamas or the milk of goats to provide for our families.  And that our kids had gifts under the tree.  And that they're safe.  And they're alive.  And that, as much as that ring meant to me, it's nothing compared to the people in my life who I got to spend 12 awesome days with over Christmas break.

Christmas in Wyoming (part 2)

I'm not gonna lie.  I was not happy about having to travel for Christmas this year.  We were spoiled last year. Completely ruined by spending Christmas is our very own home, with nearly all of my family! And once I've had my cake and eaten it too, it's not pretty trying to pry that cake out of my hands, or dig it out of my mouth. 

I whined and complained about the whole thing.  Then I seriously looked into the cost of flying all of Reid's family out here.  I was desperate to do anything to avoid that potentially treacherous drive on our nation's Worst Stretch of Freeway 

Luckily my pity party ended soon after our drive began. To my surprise, I thoroughly enjoyed my shifts at the wheel! Reid got to deal with the kids, whilst I listened to the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society.  And honestly, the record should show that this year getting to WY was perfectly uneventful (unless you consider the passenger's window falling out of its tracks, and having to stop in Rawlins to duct tape it up "eventful"--which i don't.  Not after Christmas 2008). 

And the weather cooperated perfectly.  The only snow we saw was exactly where we wanted it--in Star Valley, at which point the world around us transformed into a winter wonderland. The smoke pouring out of wood-burning chimneys was graciously making its way through our heat vents.  The street lamps held in place thousands of white lights that criss-crossed above us on Main Street. The kids were singing "Over the River and Through the Woods" at the top of their lungs. 

Why in the world had I complained about this?  What a fool I'd been thinking that my cake was being ripped from my grasp!  We were about to spend the best holiday of the year in the place that, if towns could mate, would be the offspring of Bedford Falls and the North Pole!!

This year at the Allred home was quieter than years past (well, as quiet as any place where we are can possibly be).  Reid's two sisters were greatly missed as they were both back east with their families/future in-laws.  So it was just our crew of six, Tom and Jana and their two kids, and Mr. and Mrs. Claus.

At first Grace was lost without her bestie, Ella.  Abby was lost without Christopher.  Then they remembered that they had each other, and they got along perfectly the whole time.  Eliza and Gabe were inseperable.  And James and Winnie just toddled around, being cute.  Winnie rubbed off on James, and over the 6 days we were there he officially chose walking as his main mode of transportation.  I plan to tell him that he started walking on Christmas, 2012...though his first steps were 3-4 weeks before that.  Who needs to walk when three sisters fight over who gets to carry you wherever you need to go?

The adults enjoyed playing games, putting puzzles together, creating culinary masterpieces, and late night conversations about what miracles would need to occur to get us geographically closer to each other.  

Grandpa spent the entire 6 days with any number of grandkids on his back.  If ever he tried to do anything else he'd hear,  "C'mon Grammpa, the horsie can't be tired!" Grandma had crafts and treats and cookies galore.  She has the best toys, the best movies, the best food, and the best lap for book-reading and story-telling. They truly have perfected the art of being Grandparents.

Between playing in the snow, cutting down the Christmas tree, sledding down the snow pile, warming up to hot cocoa, decorating gingerbread men, watching movies in "Grandma's room," acting out the Nativity, playing "school house" in the basement, or singing Christmas songs in the front room--there was never a moment that wouldn't have made the cut for a Hallmark movie.  

Reid, Grace and Abby singing Christmas songs around the piano

James with the mini bible that he toted around with him the entire trip

If his cousin Winnie was around, he would sit in this chair for 20+ minutes just to make sure she didn't get it

James looked so handsome in his Christmas outfit! 

Cutting down the tree

Hot cocoa in the car, fresh tree on top

Getting ready to play in the snow

Snowball fight!
(I totally think that Grace looks like me in this picture, btw)

Sledding down the man-made snow hill

I wish this picture weren't so fuzzy--i'd blow it up and put it above my fireplace! I love the way my little guy is looking at my big guy!

Decorating gingerbread cookies

Abby, desperately trying to lose her tooth on Christmas Eve so that Santa and the Tooth Fairy would bump into each other

My camera gets jaundiced sometimes...

Grandma and Abby playing dress-ups

Abby as Mary for the nativity

Gabe was Joseph.  Or the donkey.  I can't remember now.

Abby with her Barbie and Pet Shops that Santa left her

Eliza opening her stocking and her camera from Santa

Grace was shocked that Santa actually brought her a real violin. 

James loved nothing more on Christmas morning than tearing apart his mini post-it notes, one by one

His pet monkey that Grace gave him came in a close second

Again with the chair!  

Grace loved her dolphin blanket...

And the dolphin bulletin board that I made for her.  We didn't bring this with us, just showed her photos of it.  She really loved this gift and told me it turned out exactly how she'd hoped it would.  Sweet girl.

 I made the girls these cute necklaces out of old scrabble tiles. The tutorials told me that super glue would do the trick....

They lied

Abby loved the snuggy I made for her.  It really was the perfect gift for this girl who's always cold in the morning and brings her bedspread downstairs to eat breakfast!

 The blanket i made for Eliza wasn't (isn't!) finished...maybe i'll get a picture of it when I regive it to her this Christmas :)

It was such a wonderful Christmas.  The only thing that eased the pain of leaving was knowing that 6 more days of family time awaited us in Provo.